Last Weekend's Race- Bay to Breakers

Last weekend I had the amazing chance to be a part of a new family tradition- running the Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco.

This was my first time running the race and being in San Fran for that matter, so I was already excited when I was leaving for the airport. After a pretty intense waiting game with the airlines, I made it to SFO where my cousin Hailey and Aunt Melissa picked me up. After my arrival we went to eat at a place close to Pier 39 called Fog City. There I had a nice burger and we talked about our excitement for the race the next day and they told me a few things to be ready for, and boy were they right.

After lunch, Hailey and I went searching for an available Limebike scooter (more on this later) and ended up walking all the way down to see the seals at Pier 39. They were really entertaining to watch, but after a while, our phones were almost dead and we still needed to get back to Melissa. We finally found a scooter that was free but it was the competing company of "Bird." We crammed both of us onto the scooter and were surprisingly good at keeping our balance the whole way back. There were some hecklers that thought we'd fall but we showed them! 

Later that evening we were to meet up with my mom and my uncle Josh and we ended up on Folsom St., which apparently is a well-known LGBT hotspot. As we were parking, Hailey saw the most flamboyant men walking past and wondered where they were going. I said, "Probably a club of some kind, where there's chaps, there's dancing." So she looked it up and found there was a drag show happening at the club right around the corner. We decided to attend, and it being my cousin's first drag show, she was absolutely starstruck by all the performers. Although it wasn't my scene, it was a really fun time. The theme of the night was "Scream Queens" so all the ladies had horror themed outfits and there was a competition for whose was best. I voted but the gal I voted for got second I believe.

The next morning we had to be up really early, and the theme of our group was "Poor Life Decisions" so the getting-ready process consisted of a lot of fake blood, tattoos and babies. I had broken my arm about a month beforehand and just recently got surgery and a cast, so I worked that into my costume. I went as somebody who had been beaten up, and on my shirt I had written "Violence Solves Nothing." My cousin Wilder had a bunch of fake face tats, Hailey was a prison inmate, and Wyatt went wearing a baby bjorn with a fake baby and "OOPS" on his shirt. Melissa was gambling addiction, my mom was alcohol and sleep deprivation, and Josh had full body fake tats and a grill. We were an unsightly bunch to say the least. 

The beginning of the race starts with a bunch of people throwing around tortillas for some reason, so we brought some with messages like, "Don't let your bad decision define you." The race began and all of us except for Josh decided to walk it so we could see all the costumes, and it was so fun. Because of our theme, we would see somebody with a bad decision and heckle them to join our team. 

"Vodka for breakfast was a poor life choice!"


"Your socks and sandals are a bad idea!"

You get the idea. There were multiple times people would come by us and say they were part of our team cause all they do is make poor choices and we would all cheer and welcome them. It was a riot. If you know me, you might describe me as a bit "obnoxious" or "loud" and I get that, but being in a group that was made up of my family and we were walking the party race in San Fran, oh boy, you better watch out for this rowdy bunch! We had a gal from New Zealand that joined us the night before at the drag show named Sharon, and we kept losing her throughout the race, so occasionally you'd hear SHARON!!! echoing throught the street. She told me my New Zealand accent was terrible, but I still thought she was nice and I'm glad she joined in.

There were so many creative costumes, and some that were just naked people or dudes wearing only a shirt or a mask- the Winnie the Dick Look  as I liked to call it. In total we counted around 64 dicks in the wind and the most memorable one was the saddest one. We started around the corner at about mile 5 and there was a naked man on a bench wearing a king crown, cape and had his man-spread going on, but where there should be some manparts, there was what seemed to be a dark cockroach just stuck to his pubic bone. It. Was. Scarring. The populous of naked women in the race was seriously underrepresented save for the few older gals with their ladies out. One actually wanted to breastfeed Wyatt's fake baby. It was bizarre, but that's Bay to Breakers for ya.

Moving on.

The race is basically a walking party through the streets where almost anything goes. There's naked people, house parties and creative costumes. At the end we all got a finisher medal, but the real winners out there were all those floppy wieners. Kudos fellas, kudos.

San Fran is the wild west out there people, so if you haven't been before, keep an open mind and heart and heckle as many people as you can for me. I was definitely a fan of the race and can't wait to do it again next year!

Ty Sells