Small Town Remedies
Life has been throwing me around lately.
I've been bouncing between Houston, Austin and Denver for auditions, callbacks, and filming. Some of the auditions went well, some better than others. The callback is one step closer, but never a guarantee, and that's why they hurt more when you don't get it. You go all that way, give your vulnerability multiple times, and feel like you have nothing to show for it, but even that "no" is one closer to that next yes. You really do win some lose some, but the real magic is when you finally start filming.
It’s been a week from wrapping my first feature as a lead, and this experience has been hugely transformative for me. I've always felt that I could handle the responsibility of a lead role, but to have had the privilege of doing so this early on in my acting journey is still crazy for me to wrap my head around.
I'm still feeling incredibly grateful for the experience, and I learned a few things. I'll just go through them.
Shooting a feature in 8 days is insane.
The quality of the team will reflect in the authenticity of the film.
EVERY PART of the cast and crew is important, so fuck your hierarchy attitude.
Going to an emotionally heavy spot will inevitably precede laughter from everyone involved. That catharsis is beautiful.
Apparently, when my body senses that something is important to me, my skin breaks out in hives, even when I don't think I'm that stressed... so that's fun.
Addiction can affect people in different ways, and this film opened my eyes to that.
I have more people that care about me than I could have ever asked for.
I am not ever truly alone.
After filming, I was emotionally drained, and needed to recoup for a few days but after lazing around, I start to resent myself for not continuing to progress in my craft, but this week, I've already sent two self-tapes to possible representation in Austin, and two tapes to different projects that are casting, and have to understand that things aren't always going to happen back to back. The ebb and flow of work really tests my patience and I say this to remind myself that everything is in motion because the intention is set.
Time. Patience. Work. Focus. Growth.
Every now and then I have to remind myself to recenter and reestablish the discipline I have for this path. That's what this is.